Much like my mom, I’ve always been a daydreamer and a visionary. So much so, that I totally lost myself.

Multiple times over.

Okay, so that might not be the best way to start this story, but it’s my truth and I am sticking to it!

You’re looking at the wild child who climbed trees, rode horses (and still does!), made movies with her toys and an old handheld camcorder, and went out to the woods behind our childhood house to pretend I was a kid from The Boxcar Children book series. Life was great.

That time spent creating and dreaming was brought to a rude, abrupt stop in fifth grade when the tests started getting harder and the girls got meaner.

It was a whirlwind of a time, an absolute hurricane of my mind constantly telling me, “You won’t ever be enough. These grades won’t carry you into college. Those girls talk about fashion and their weight and boys, and if you want to fit in, you better start doing that, too.”

Those were some extremely heavy thoughts to be having as a 10-year old girl.

Overnight, I put the toys away in boxes, packed the camera, and told my mom that I needed a new wardrobe. I did everything, anything, to make it feel like my life was “on track.”

That plan didn’t work well for me.

Five years later, in the midst of keeping up with my peers, I found myself in the bottom of a deep, dark pit that terrified me so much that I told my mom I needed to see a counselor.

Again, not a fun time when you’re 15.

I eventually removed myself from that friend group at the time and put my energy into new friends that still surround and support me to this day. I thrust myself back into my hobbies and the things that brought me joy. My mom and I decided to homeschool so I could take courses that were better fit for my learning style.

I daydreamed and fantasized about my future to the point where I was obsessed with it… but I had no idea where to start to get there.

As I finished high school over those next few years, every week brought a new thought pattern. Sometimes I was motivated, other times I felt like God had left me in the dust. Some days I felt aligned with my goals, but most days I was so frustrated and overwhelmed that I resorted to doing absolutely nothing.

Finally, as I graduated from high school, I realized that I had some really cool skills and talents that could help me pursue my dream as an entrepreneur. Finally, I had found what I’ve been looking for my entire life: Purpose.

I was giddy and jumped on this newfound purpose with a burning passion. I bought the LLC, revised my resume a million times, and dove headfirst into finding clients for my sparkling, new social media business.

Over that year and a half, clients came and went. But, as they went, that ugly monster of comparison reared its’ head up again and whispered, “You’ll never be good enough to make a full-fledged business out of this.”

Looking back, I’m sad to say that I reverted to that poor 10-year old girl and threw my dream away for the sake of not feeling good enough.

I found an internship that summer that absolutely chewed me up and spit me out, and the next job that followed taught me a lot of things… both good and not-so-good.

But, here’s the important thing: I learned.

I learned from it all, leaned on God, and fought for myself SO FREAKING HARD that I realized no person or job or thing will ever show up for me like myself will.

Through the help of my support system (especially my mom… hi, mom!), I have risen from the ashes time and time again, and every single time I rise, I feel unrecognizable.

I am so extremely proud and happy to say that I am behind-the-scenes, pushing the buttons at Bloom Coaching Co, keeping things orderly and well-maintained for all of the beautiful, amazing people that are preparing to rise from their ashes.

I’m also happy to report that, while I adore being able to work alongside my mom in my dream job again, my sole purpose isn’t found here.

Purpose is found in peeling oranges for my closest friends. That I can pause, feel, then keep moving forward. It’s found in my golden retriever’s excitement every day, and in the sunsets that come alive every night. That I have the power to make the best out of every situation.

Purpose is all around us, just maybe not in the ways that we were influenced to think.